Am I the only one left?

‘Am I the only one left?’ Have you ever asked yourself this question as well? When your best friend, your colleague, your cousin, your neighbour, … all get pregnant and have one baby after the other, I know it can be frustrating at times and I am currently going through quite a difficult time with all those baby-makers around me.

Not pregnant…

I always try to be as happy and enthusiastic as possible for everyone around me, but sometimes I am 100% sure that I am no longer able to sound convincing anymore. Last week, one of my best friends gave birth to a beautiful (2nd) daughter and I went to visit them in the hospital yesterday. I was so happy for them and my heart melted when I saw how happy they all looked. When they asked me to hold the baby, of course I said yes… but the second I held the baby on my chest, I immediately felt how my eyes just welled up with tears.

My fitness coach, who already has 2 teenage daughters, got pregnant again accidentally and told me about it yesterday. She knows that we have already been trying to get pregnant for quite a while and didn’t want to tell me about her pregnancy at first. This came as quite a surprise (for me and for them 😁) since this baby comes completely unexpexted and comes, allthough they were on birth control… Must be quite some fertile people! Of course, now they are over the first shock, they are happy and will welcome this baby with nothing but love and warmth.

Also my best friend, whom I know since we were little kids, got pregnant for the second time. It was not that easy for her either to get pregnant and we used to call each other every morning to talk about our cycles, the fertility meds we took, our feelings & fears and our artificial attempts (insemination, IVF,…) to get pregnant. Since she got pregnant, our daily calls have stopped. Probably she stopped, while she is scared she might hurt me to talk to her and I stopped… because I am afraid that it would indeed hurt too much to hear about the pregnancy every day. I miss our talks though and I’m pretty sure they will return once the baby is born.

Next to these 3, We have another 4 friends in our environment who currently are expecting baby’s… and all the other friends already have kids, so yes…I sometimes really feel that we are the only one left, when all our friends are organizing play dates, zoo-visits, weekends to child-friendly destinations and kids birthday parties… Which is of course silly since I also know many people without kids…

I have to remind myself in those moments of self-pity, that I actually have quite a nice life besides this. I have a lovely caring husband who I have heaps of fun with, we both have good jobs, which we are passionate about, we live in a beautiful part of the world and we are (apart from endometriosis) quite healthy! We travel the world together, have fantastic friends and family and never get out of ideas of things we can do together. So even if we were to stay without children of our own, I am sure we would find ways to be happy and fulfilled.

I hope and wish that you, my readers, also have enough positive things in your lives to feel happy about! If you want to tell me about what makes you happy, feel free to leave a comment.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. kimi says:

    It is good to keep things in perspective – but it is hard to want something so badly and be powerless to make it happen.

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  2. I know these feelings so well. This is one of the hardest things to go through with infertility. I was really hard on myself for having mixed feelings. But once I surrendered those feelings and gave myself the grace I needed to cope with them it became a bit easier to deal with them. I learned that these feelings are part of the grieving process. There are really bad days and there are really good days. I pray you find comfort in those really good days. Sending you my love!

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    1. EmmannuelleT says:

      Thanks a lot for your comment, Dear Grace and for your kind words and understanding. It helps me a lot to know that other people have the same feelings as me. It confirms me that I am normal and am ‘allowed’ to feel this way. ☺️ Thanks a lot for your wishes and I wish you of course nothing but the best as well. Love, emmanuelle

      Liked by 1 person

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